Iron Man 3 (Review)
OK, so I’m kicking off this new blog with a movie review, because I want to. I may add some old posts into this new format, but I’ll date them accordingly so the timeline stays intact (and by date them I mean give them the past date of creation, not take them out for a night on the town then back to my place for a night of ecstasy in its purest form).
There are usually two forms of reviews. A review meant to inform the reader of the product to better educate them BEFORE trying said product, and a review to express feelings on the product without holding back key information that may/or may not ruin the experience for the reader if the reader has yet to experience the product. This review is the latter, and will spoil many parts of the movie if you haven’t seen it yet. So, if you haven’t seen Iron Man 3 yet, you may not want to read this. It’s cool, I understand, my feelings aren’t hurt, go ahead, you can leave now.
(Spoilers – You’ve Been Warned)
I seen Iron Man 3 on release night, cause I like movie hype and crowds looking all stupid and such for things of this nature. Sure it’s not Star Wars or Star Trek crazy, but comic heroes still get some “fun” people on opening night, and I like to laugh at them and what not. I wasn’t disappointed. The Theater had a fake Iron Man walking around trying to be cool, endorsements for the Comic Con thingy happening later this year, we got limited edition Iron Man 3D glasses, and I even got to see a standard black guy with dreads dressed up like Iron Man going in to see the movie, he looked like Predator in the Iron Man suit. Gave me a good smile. BUT, that was all on the theater, not Iron Man 3, so it gets no points for that.
Aggghhh!!! I haven’t even gotten started yet and this crap already annoys me. Let me set it up real quick. This is obviously the third movie of Iron Man, the first two being very successful. Both had good stories, stayed somewhat close to the comics, added humor, action, left you wanting more, Iron Man 2 even had Scarlett Johanson, good stuff. So, when Iron Man 3 came out, I was stupid enough to think I might get a little of the same. Nope.
The story, plot, and “twist” they try to pull is horrible. Bringing the Mandarin in as the villain is fine, hes’ cool with his rings and what not, so yeah, let’s do that. Oh wait, what’s that, you’re going to have a guy “act” like he’s the Mandarin, make us think he’s a cool powerful Tyrant bent on destroying America, then smack us in the face with “Lol, we’re just kidding. He’s actually just a drugged up actor being used as a puppet by an angry scientist”. No thanks Marvel Studios.
As we were introduced to the Mandarin, things were looking good. They painted a very real, very scary scenario of the Mandarin being a power-hungry Tyrant looking to destroy USA and all we stand for. It gave it a very Bin Laden/Saddam Hussein feel, so it evoked some real emotion from me. Good Job. I loved the scenes showing the Mandarin training terrorists, making demands to our President, telling America that we will fall, etc… That was good stuff. The opening did a great job gaining my interest, making me feel like we’re headed to a great climax within the next hour or so (like a first date with a chick you don’t even really know, but can feel she’s into you, and things are gonna get crazy fun soon). But, as things progressed, sadly, I started to feel less and less captivated by this “villain”. You kinda see this one coming, that he’s not exactly who we think he is, and they broke the news to us in horrid fashion. I remember the scene quite well, cause it sticks out as a very over the top and ridicules scene. As Tony Stark closes in on the Mandarin, sneaks his way into the bedroom where Mandarin is staying, we see two hot chicks in lingerie type attire on a bed. Tony looks kinda puzzled, then we hear a toilet flush, hmm, OK. The Mandarin comes out, laughing, and taking a page out of Friday’s book and speaks of the bathroom no longer having high air quality. I think it was pretty dumb, even Tony Stark thought it was pretty dumb. Our big bad terrorist guy goes on to explain he was just an out of work actor on drugs that got approached to play a “role”. Weak. I mean really, I understand wanting to put humor in a movie, I’m a former stand-up comedian, I love humor, but you need to do it in context. A goofy fake villain had no place in Iron Man 3, at least not as the FEATURED villain, it took any and all dignity and respect from the movie at that point.
What they did to Mandarin really ruined the whole movie for me. Sure, there was more to it, Pepper Pots and what happened to her, Happy getting blown up, Tony not having his suit, The Iron Patriot, the new kid with the fluffy hair that kept annoying Tony, etc… but I just couldn’t get into it knowing the Villain was a joke. If the Mandarin was a cover for a legit villain, it might have worked, but the nerdy turned-cool Scientist didn’t cut it either. It was a loss on all things villain in this one.
Many of you may have liked this story and how they portrayed Mandarin, but sorry, I just can’t. I’m way too much of a purist and traditionalist to appreciate turning him into a fake, goofy role, just can’t do it. Nope, can’t do it. I would have much preferred to seen a modern portrayal of the old Mandarin from the comics rather than this new garbage the movie studio made up.
Iron Man 3 looked pretty good, average for this day and time I guess. As I mentioned, I seen it in Real 3D, so that made things a bit cooler. I can’t remember any specific scenes that jumped out at me, making me say “wow” or jump back in my seat, but having all of the Iron Man drones fighting at once was a nice visual. It’s 2013, so we expect a lot from movies and vidya games graphically, even when the story is good, so to have a bad story, and not have anything super hot on the visuals doesn’t leave a good taste in my mouth on this one.
Marvel Studios usually does a pretty good job with extras. I’m sure tons of cool stuff will turn up that can be found in the movie as far as Easter Eggs and such, but the one cool thing they always do is the end credit scene. It’s usually a hint, or teaser to the next movie they’re working on. Maybe something showing you a villain, hero, or something neat teasing to a plot, etc… Iron Man 3 did have one, you had to wait till ALL of the credits were done to see it. We were sitting there, teenage workers were waiting to clean the isles, then it finally popped up. Lame. I was surprised to see them replace the traditional “wow, can’t wait to see that movie” teaser with a simple scene of Tony Stark laying in a therapy chair telling his story to Bruce Banner who constantly jokes at every word Tony says. Once again, they decided to just make a joke out of something cool instead of use it for a valid purpose. Kinda funny really, cause the final minute long scene summarized the movie as a whole – Big hype that turned out to be a joke.
I wanted this one to win, I really did. I really like what they had done with the Iron man franchise to this point, but loyalty doesn’t come into play here, they failed to deliver, it’s that simple. No legit Villain, to many jokes, broken story, and no real connection to the previous Iron Man films really hurt this one in my humble opinion. You guys could have at least gave me Scarlett, you know how much I love her.
Iron Man 3 gets 5 Tom Bradys out of 10.